Infrequently Asked Questions 2013

Michael Fassbender Pianist

Following the success of last year’s Infrequently Asked Questions I have decided to repeat the exercise in the hopes of satisfying lost Googlers. The concept is simple, I trawl through all the search terms from 2013 that lead to this site and answer any questions people had that they would not have found the answer to on Mild Concern. The only questions I will ignore are people looking for various actors in a state of undress; there is a limit to what I will do for hits.

As with last year the most popular search query was people searching for nude pictures of Michael Fassbender, pictures that sound very similar to how you might describe the above picture… For the full stats on that particular search term see the pie chart at the end of this post.

Did the actors play their instruments in A Late Quartet? The cast studied their instruments to at least look like they were playing them but no, it is not their playing that you hear in the film.

Anyone know the sunglasses Giovanni Ribisi wore in Gangster Squad? Not entirely sure but he is the face of Barton Perreira eyewear. Apparently.

Are there snakes in The Hunger Games? Look carefully in the credits and you’ll find Jonwilder Lee Bartlett credited as “snake wrangler”. But can I remember any snakes? No.

Does After Porn Ends show nudity? Yes. You all asked this last year. IT IS A FILM ABOUT PORN STARS!!!

Does Claire wear a wig in Lost? Not at first but in flashbacks she certainly does and from memory she wears one on the island in later years. Sometimes an actress cuts her hair. Things happen.

How much swearing is in Philomena? Let’s ask the BBFC: “There are two uses of strong language (‘f**k’). Milder language includes the terms ‘bloody’, ‘crap’; ‘fecking’, ‘shit’, ‘shite’ and ‘tits’.”

How much of Philomena is based on fact? Most of it. Philomena is a real woman who was forced to give up her son and did not mention it for fifty years. She was also helped by Martin Sixsmith and they did indeed discover the thing that they discovered in the film. (No spoilers here.) The only thing that was fabricated was that in real life Philomena did not make the trip to America with Martin but followed his progress through phone calls.

Do you need to see Avengers Assemble before seeing Thor: The Dark World? Not really no. So long as you know that Thor is from another world, has an evil brother, and pines for Natalie Portman who is living on Earth then you’re all set.

Natalie Portman Thor wellies? Not so much a question but an oddly frequent request. Here you go perverts:

Portman Wellies

Do you like Doctor Who? Yes thanks, as does Kat, but we didn’t care much for the latest Christmas special. Stephen loathes it though if you’d prefer a balanced view.

Why do people like Doctor Who so much? It is scary, funny, and has a lot of heart. Also, Jenna Coleman is hot.

I don’t get Doctor Who He’s a centuries old alien who travels through time in a spaceship the shape of a police telephone box. The box is massive on the inside and he only has a limited number of lives which was recently reset due to receiving new regeneration energy via a rift in space from his home plant. He likes to travel with an assistant who is normally young, female, attractive and human. What’s not to get?

What is premise of How I Met Your Mother? I’ll take this slow for you. A man. Is telling his kids. How he met their mother. Admittedly he takes his sweet time but it’s not that hard to understand. Maybe they confused you by writing the title in the second person?

Is Lily in How I Met Your Mother bisexual? From the HIMYM wiki: “Lily could be bisexual, this could be proven as she said in one episode that she wants to have a lesbian experience, and that she told Robin she had a great ass. She also admitted to having some romantic dreams about Robin. It stated that whenever she drink martinis she wants to make out with Robin and she has dreams about her when she’s pregnant.”

What are Tim Burton’s Batman movies? Batman and Batman Returns. Now let me introduce you to IMDb, it will save us both some time.

Was The Strangers movie connected to The Cabin in the Woods? Not any more than every other horror film ever made. In many ways The Cabin in the Woods provides an alternative way to watch The Strangers in a non-canon way and those masks are awfully similar…

The Cabin in the Woods The Strangers

What team does Nicholas Hoult support? You asked this last year and I still don’t know. I have tweeted him to ask so we’ll just have to wait and see.

Where does Nicholas Hoult stay at in California? How would I know and why do you care? Stop trying to stalk Nicholas Hoult and get yourself a nice boyfriend instead.

What’s new pussycat? Not much thanks.

What’s the film called that was released on boxing day in 2012? How specific! Grabbers, Jack Reacher, Midnight’s Children, Parental Guidance, Safety Not Guaranteed, and Zaytoun.

What has happened to Cameron Crowe? Since you asked last year he has written and directed a film starring Emma Stone, Bradley Cooper, and Rachel McAdams. I’m hoping for another Almost Famous and not another We Bought a Zoo.

What certificate is Pulp Fiction? 18 for strong violence, sex references and hard drug use.

Who did Jon Cryer play in Clarissa Explains it AllHe was never in it but a lot of people seem to think he looks like a grown up Ferguson.

Who are Matt Smith’s parents? There’s a Doctor Who pun to be had but I will ignore it. You can find his mum on Twitter, she likes “all things Fabulous”.

Who is Edgar Wright dating? Not Anna Kendrick. That’s as deep as my knowledge goes.

Social concern about Jurassic Park? Well the first thing to worry about is the misuse of science. The second is OH MY GOD THE DINOSAURS ARE ALIVE AND TRYING TO EAT MY FACE!!!

Rupert Grint’s acting ability? On average about 6.32 out of 10. Source

rupert grint chart

Why is David Cameron such a prick? His upbringing perhaps? Or something to do with having to live with that face 24/7.

Why does Mama DVD have no extras? They’ve put them all on the Blu-Ray to try to make you buy that instead. That aside the film is AWFUL so why are you even buying it?

He loves me he loves me not He loves you!

Is there an alpha gibbon? Yes.

Dancing as a metaphore for freedom in 1984 Footloose First of all that is not how you spell metaphor. Second of all… yes. Footloose is clearly a subtle adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984.

Is Simon Bird in Plebs? No. The lead actor is Tom Rosenthal who stars in Friday Night Dinner with Simon Bird so you were close.

Lead female in Philomena? Seriously?! Who is the lead in Philomena?! Dame Judi Dench you ignorant fool!

Movie with yellow Volkswagen Well Little Miss Sunshine and Footloose both feature a prominent yellow VW. Were either of those what you were thinking?

When is Me Myself and Mum in general release in the UK? Still no idea which is a shame as it was the best film I saw last year. You can get it on DVD though.

Who was Andy Dick’s character in Laputa: Castle in the Sky? He voiced Henri. For future reference let me introduce you to the Internet Movie Database. You’ll love it.

I thought I’d finish by answering a question nobody asked; just what proportion of search terms related to Michael Fassbender’s appendage? The answer is below:

The Tim Burton Collection – DVD Review

We are currently giving away copies of The Tim Burton Collection on DVD so I’ve got my grubby hands on the DVDs and put together a run-down of the collection.

The first thing to note is that this is a Warner Bros. release so there is no Nightmare Before Christmas or Edward Scissorhands to be found. Get over it.

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
Burton’s feature film debut was a big screen outing for one of children’s television’s most energetic/disturbing characters. Pee-wee’s bike is stolen so he goes on an adventure across America to get it back. Whether you like this film or not will really depend on whether you love or loathe Pee-wee himself. It’s a cult hit! But then so is High School Musical in some circles.*

Beetle Juice
Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice is not in Beetle Juice/Beetlejuice nearly as much as you’d expect. The focus is instead on the recently deceased couple, Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis, who summon Beetlejuice to scare away the new inhabitants on their former home. An eccentric comedy Beetle Juice is classic Burton and is where he really set the visual style we know, love and mock gently. Worth noting that the DVD for this was in 4:3 aspect ratio when the film should be 1.85:1, disgraceful.

Batman
Cast your mind back to when the character of Batman was not to be taken too seriously. It was a time when Batman meant gothic camp and Michael Keaton wore the rubber pointy ears. With Jack Nicholson as a terrifying Joker with a fixed wide grin this Batman is a very different interpretation to Chris Nolan’s but equally valid and a little more fun.

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Win A Copy of The Tim Burton Collection on DVD


©2012 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. All Rights Reserved.

To celebrate the release of ‘The Tim Burton Collection’ this week, we’re giving you the chance to win one of three boxsets and take home these eight Tim Burton films; Sweeney Todd, Beetle Juice, Batman, Batman Returns, Corpse Bride, Mars Attacks!, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.

Sweeney Todd tells the tale of a 19th Century barber who has revenge on his mind while Beetle Juice is an obnoxious poltergeist conjured up to bedevil an oddball family. The collection also contains blockbusters Batman and Batman Returns which sees the fearless Gotham City crimestopper take on both the Joker and the Penguin.

Corpse Bride is Burton’s stop-motion animated wonder that follows Victor who is whisked away to the land of the dead to marry a mysterious corpse bride, while in Mars Attacks! the earth is invaded by mean, green invaders armed with insta-ray guns.

The collection also features Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which is Burton’s remake of the classic Roald Dahl’s children’s novel, and Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure which tells the story of Pee-wee Herman as he embarks on a cross-country search for his stolen bicycle.

To enter for your chance to win this amazing collection of classic movies on DVD, all you have to do is answer the following question:

Competition closes at midnight on Monday 7th May and three winners will be chosen at random and contacted on Tuesday 8th May.

Terms and Conditions
• This prize is non-transferable.
• No cash alternatives apply.
• UK entries only
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Frankenweenie – Trailer

Remember the time before Tim Burton was inappropriately touching your favourite childhood films? The time before Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland? The time when he made an amazing stop-motion animation with a gothic feel? No, not Corpse Bride. Idiot. Remember The Nightmare Before Christmas; the handmade charm, the dark edge, and the dead dog?

Well if you do you’ll be excited to see that Burton is back with a new gothic stop-motion animation called Frankenweenie; a film about a young boy who reanimates his dead dog. The film isn’t out until October but the first trailer is embedded below. It’s even shot in black and white, which (thanks to The Artist) is the new black.

We’re Off to See the Wizard Again and Again

When Sherlock Holmes entered the public domain a few years back two different projects were announced and over time the version starring Sacha Baron Cohen has been completely buried by Guy Ritchie’s crack at the famous detective. When it comes to The Wizard of Oz, which came into the public domain in 1956 it is right now that a large number of adaptations are in the works and they don’t seem to bothered by the competition.

Rumours were running wild yesterday about Robert Downey Jr. teaming up with Sam Mendes in a prequel called Oz The Great and Powerful with Downey Jr. as the great wizard himself. Warner Bros. are getting into the Oz game with two different films, the first of which will be a straight forward remake of the classic film called simply Oz. The second film, Wizard of Oz, will be a more modern take as Dorothy’s granddaughter returns to Oz to fight evil. Universal also has a film they want to make; a film version of the hit musical Wicked as loved by theatregoers everywhere.

With all these new films in the works, Tim Burton’s version, Sci-Fi’s woeful Tin Man from 2007 and Over the Rainbow on the BBC Dorothy and her ruby slippers seem to be everywhere. I have no idea why now is the time for Oz to take over the cinema but with so many versions soon to trickling into cinemas at least one of them has to be good.

Burton to Direct The Addams Family (Whoot!)

Forget that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter nonsense as it was announced yesterday that Tim Burton is to direct a stop-motion animation film adaptation of The Addams Family. The film will be based on Charles Addams’ original cartoon drawing and not on any previous film or TV show.

Just like Alice in Wonderland, The Addams Family fits perfectly into Burton’s aesthetic and so will hopefully be done just as well. Stop-motion animation is always exciting and I just hope it isn’t clinical like The Corpse Bride but has a bit of charm like The Nightmare Before Christmas and more recently Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Mild Concern hereby officially announces exclusively the casting of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Prove us wrong Mr Burton.

Oh, it’s going to be in 3D too but we’re all over that by now right?

Alice in Wonderland – Review

Yes this is a little late but Mild Concern doesn’t have the benefit of press screenings and as Alice is still top of the UK box office this is still relevant, totally. I’m afraid what follows is another positive review, damn my good viewing judgement!

I chose to see the film in 2D so I could focus on the film without weird, slightly off images and tired eyes and I’m glad I did. Tim Burton is well known for his stunning and unique visuals and Alice does not disappoint, the beautiful imagery did not need 3D to make it sumptuous and entrancing. Such a good looking film requires big words.

Admittedly I was worried at the start as the “real world” was suitably dull and shot in standard fashion, all the better for highlight the wonders of so called Underland. It turns out Alice was mistaken about the name in her previous visit and this is her second time down under. Alice does feature quite a few familiar events but the story quickly veers off from the classic Disney plot to have Alice destined to destroy the Jabberwock giving a more satisfying conclusion to her time in Underland.

Mia Wasikowska does an admirable job carrying this film from start to finish though in her scenes at the very start and finish she seems to put all her effort into the accent rather than the acting. Johnny Depp is as good as expected portraying a truly disturbed hatter, though it was odd to hear him share scenes with Barbara Windsor’s Dormouse.

Other performance highlights included Matt Lucas’ charming Tweedledee and Tweedledum and Stephen Fry’s purring Cheshire Cat. Anne Hathaway continues her journey towards being an actress I actually like, though black lipstick on her huge lips is a bit horrifying. It’s a real shame that amongst all these great character performances Helena Bonham Carter has chosen to completely steal Miranda Richardson’s performance from Blackadder. it works well but is a little lazy.

Alice is a good looking and enjoyable journey and it was a relief to see a fantasy film made by a company that can afford to do it properly after so many Sci-Fi Channel original movies. Real actors were distorted in all sorts of ways and blended seamlessly with the computer generated scenery and charaters. Sadly the film’s destination was a little bit of a let down as after the final showdown it ended with a bit of a whimper.

It is a children’s film after all so not particularly challenging but enjoyable and nice to look at all the same.

Burton to Produce Lincoln vs Vampires

With Alice in Wonderland‘s release imminent news has broken of a new Tim Burton project. He and Timur Bekmambetov are set to produce a big screen adaptation of the upcoming novel Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith.

The film will tell the little known, and entirely fabricated, tale of Abraham Lincoln’s lifelong battle with vampires. The pair last teamed up on the underwhelming 9 but considering the popularity of Grahame-Smith’s previous work they should have a good script to work with.

Seth Grahame-Smith also wrote and adapted Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which is both a much loved novel and soon to be a Natalie Portman starring feature film. I much more excited about the combination of Portman and zombies at the moment but that could all change when we know exactly who will be directing the Lincoln/vampire face-off.