Out Now – 19th August 2011

This week we have one real treat, sadly on limited release, two shameless cash-ins and some other films I’m about to Google.

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D
After three films the original Spy Kids are all grown up and return to pass the mantle to two new little brats. On the plus side there’s Joel McHale, on the downside you get a scratch-and-sniff card. The last time I had one of those I was at a panto.

Kind Hearts and Coronets
Classic comedy starring Alec Guinness in eight roles as a Duke’s relative kills everyone in the line of succession before him. One of the greatest British films of all time according to the BFI, don’t miss it.

Villain
Google is terrible for this film but we have our ways. Two loners fall in love online and then go on the run after the guy is suspected of murder. Things get revealed as plot unfolds. Hey look, a trailer.

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie
After failing to break into the top ten at the US box office, it will be interesting to see how the film does here. Other than that I have nothing more to say. Sue Sylvester isn’t even in it.

In a Better World (limited release)
“The lives of two Danish families cross each other, and an extraordinary but risky friendship comes into bud. But loneliness, frailty and sorrow lie in wait.” Also… “violent and disturbing content some involving preteens.” Crikey.

The Guard (limited release)
We saved the best for last. This film is fantastic, go and see it if your local cinema has enough taste to be playing it. Brendan Gleeson plays an unconventional policeman in a genuinely funny crime comedy.

A Science Lesson for Harvey Weinstein

We all know and accept that movie marketing is based around coining phrases, pretending all ideas are original, that the film is great and, of course, sending bloggers free stuff to review (our email address is in the column on the right). Even so, the latest marketing for Spy Kids: All the Time in the World has tipped me over the edge. They are presenting the film in “4D Aromascope”. So that means that the fourth dimension is… smell!

You don’t need a physics degree to know that smell is a sense and not a dimension. But seeing as I do have a physics degree (ahem) let’s see what the fourth dimension is with the help of Wikipedia.

As you can see from the diagram above the first three dimensions are essentially the three directions within which an object can move. On a flat 2D plane you can only move in two dimensions, moving out of the plane makes a third. In cinema everything is technically 2D but those silly glasses sometimes give the effect of the image coming out of the screen, hence 3D. Lovely. We may not be a fan of 3D but the name makes sense.

The fourth dimension is time. The only direction a 3D plane can move in is time itself, or I suppose in the case of a cinema you could have the screen moving around. So a 4D film is simply a 3D image progressing through time, or a regular 3D film playing. Project a 3D film onto the side of a van and drive around town and you will get a 5D film!*

What is definitely not a fourth dimension is a scratch and sniff card! The last time I scratched and sniffed I was at the panto and was scared of girls. How little has changed.

Harvey Weinstein, we await your humble apology.

*That stuff about 5D is in no way accurate.