Out Now – 18th May 2011

Wednesday is becoming the day when all the best films come out. Well not the day, more a series of days spread across the year separated by a number of days divisible by seven. Regardless, what was once a day for films to sneak out early to boost meagre opening weekend figures is now a day for good films to sneak out early to boost meagre opening weekend figures.

Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 : On Stranger Tides
Say what you like about the past two Pirates films, Johnny Depp agrees with you. This time the weakest link is gone (one well spoken pirate/blacksmith) and instead we have Ian McShane and sexy killer mermaids. It promises to be more fun and less confusing than its predecessors and I for one am a bit excited.

The Best is Yet to Come: 2011

Today we’re looking ahead at out most anticipated releases of 2011… and there’s a lot. A few glaring omissions perhaps but we have no interest in giant robots fighting.

So what can top 127 Hours and The King’s Speech?

Friday 14 January 2011
Blue Valentine
Made the headlines by getting its rating reduced in America as they claimed the sex scene wasn’t obscene just realistic. If that doesn’t tempt you how about a realistic portrayal of a marriage and career best performances?

Friday 21 January 2011
Black Swan
It’s great, powerful stuff and yet is another with more coverage of a single sex scene that the rest of the film. Portman is at her prime and Kunis ain’t too shabby either.

Friday 11 February 2011
Never Let Me Go
True Grit

A small British sci-fi with a beautifully subtle plot and the Coen brothers’ latest acclaimed production. Good Friday.

Monday 14 February 2011
For some reason sneaking out on a Monday, Pegg and Frost’s latest is funny if not up to the standard of an Edgar Wright collaboration. We saw it, reviewed it and got asked to take it down.

Friday 18 February 2011
Chalet Girl
A hopefully above average romantic comedy starring our own Felicity Jones and the slimy one from Gossip Girl.

Friday 25 February 2011
No Strings Attached
Waste Land

Natalie Portman tries her hand at a comedy about two friends trying out casual sex before Mila Kunis gets the chance. And on the same day we have one of our favourites from the London Film Festival, though most likely only at three cinemas.

Friday 4 March 2011
The Tempest

Animated comedy starring Johnny Depp as a lizard that is set to offer something better than the average animated film accompanied by the apparently less than perfect Shakespeare film featuring… Felicity Jones!

Friday 18 March 2011
A film everyone should see as Richard Ayoade makes a strong directorial debut with a near perfect tale of young love and awkwardness.

Friday 1 April 2011
Sucker Punch
Zack Snyder kicks you in the face with amazing visuals, sexy crazy girls and general madness.

Friday 8 April 2011
Attack The Block
Joe Cornish made a film with a slightly bad sounding premise. Can Cornballs make a bad synopsis into a great film?

Friday 15 April 2011
Scream 4
Winnie the Pooh
Your Highness

A triple whammy in mid-April. First the fourth in the Scream series starring the cast of the entire TV alongside the usual faces. Then we have a hand animated Disney film about everyone’s favourite bear and a medieval comedy starring future Mrs Mild Concern, Zooey Deschanel and with her third film in four months, Natalie Portman.

Friday 22 April 2011
Source Code
Duncan Jones tries to top Moon with sci-fi action thriller involving confusing time travel in which Jake Gyllenhaal consistently fails to find the bomber on a train.

Friday 29 April 2011
Michael Gambon directing a comic book movie? Surely worth a look. Oh, hello Natalie Portman.

Wednesday 18 May 2011
Pirates Of The Caribbean 4
They’ve promised to keep it simple this time and have lost the less interesting characters, we’re excited.

Friday 15 July 2011
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part II
Because Part I was so good this can only be the peak of the Potter series.

Friday 29 July 2011
Captain America: The First Avenger
It might be terrible but is the lead-in to The Avengers which might also be terrible. Wait, it could be good too!

Friday 5 August 2011
Rise Of The Apes
John Lithgow and James Franco! And monkeys!

Friday 19 August 2011
The Inbetweeners
Super 8

The spin-off from E4’s best output and J.J. Abrams top secret new film. Funny and surprising… and deeply shameful.

Friday 26 August 2011
Final Destination 5
Guilty pleasure alert… I like to see people die in ridiculous ways…

Friday 2 September 2011
Friends With Benefits
We Need To Talk About Kevin
Mila Kunis gets to do the friends having sex comedy to see if she can top Portman. Portman doesn’t care after having so many other films out.

Friday 7 October 2011
Johnny English 2
“It’s only a bit of poo.” Heh.

Friday 14 October 2011
The Thing

A musical remake of a personal favourite and a prequel starring Ramona Flowers. It could be a glorious pair or a double disaster.

Friday 21 October 2011
Paranormal Activity 3
With no new Saw film this is all we have for Halloween. Boo!

Wednesday 26 October 2011
The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn
Because the best British writers all seem to have had a hand in the writing of this particular film. Wright, Moffat and Cornish? Wow.

Disney Get Specific About Boobs

It’s enough to make Mickey Mouse blush as Disney have sent out a casting call for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides asking for “beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft 7in-5ft 8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.”

Apparently there’s even going to be a “show and tell” day when the applicants assets will be put to the test. Good old Hollywood glamour!

In other Pirates news, details of Penelope Cruz’s character have been revealed; she is to play Blackbeard’s daughter and love interest to Captain Jack. Exciting stuff.

Please make up your own joke about Orlando Bloom being a boob.

Could Pirates 4 be the Best in the Series?

There has been a lot of chatter about Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides lately and it all makes me feel like this could be the best of the lot. Admittedly it’s hard to tell as filming hasn’t even begun yet but those involved seem to know what they’re doing this time.

Johnny Depp has said, “”I’d like to give them a Pirates 4 that is very funny and entertaining and not convoluted or riddled with sub-plots and characters.” My major concern with the other sequels was that I had no idea what was going on most of the time, that and I hated Orlando Bloom in the same way heterosexual women hate Keira Knightley. With no Bloom, or Knightley, and a simpler plot Tides will just be a fun romp with plenty of Captain Jack.

The other news that has me excited is that Ian McShane is in talks to play Blackbeard in the upcoming movie. While I may have missed his earlier work in Lovejoy I have come to know McShane as a powerful actor through Deadwood and the shortly lived Kings. The thought of Depp and McShane adventuring on the high seas is enough to get me excited.

Well, as excited as you can reasonably get about Pirates of the Caribbean that is.