Out Now – 15th March 2013


UK comedy about an ageing rock group who release their music under the guise of a fresh young punk band. This is apparently set in a parallel universe where fresh young punk bands are more successful than ageing rock groups.

Welcome to the Punch
Gritty British crime drama focussing on an old feud between an ex-criminal (Mark Strong) and a detective (James McAvoy) and “a deeper conspiracy they both need to solve in order to survive”.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
One look at the poster for this Steve Carell starring comedy and I have painful flashbacks to Blades of Glory. I think I have an aversion to any film in which the lead characters have the same haircut as Siegfried & Roy.

Red Dawn
The winner of this week’s award for the film whose advert on IMDb keeps expanding and obscuring vital film synopses.

Beyond the Hills (limited release)
Romanian drama about a friendship between two adult orphans. They fall in love but one takes refuge in a convent and plans to become a nun. The twist being that both orphans are women so we have a potential lesbian nun on our hands.

The Paperboy (limited release)
PaperboyIn no way related to the video game. Instead we have a thriller about a journalist investigating a death row prisoner. All the attention for this film is focussed on a character played by Nicole Kidman with a passion for passion and the fact that she urinates on Zac Efron. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Maniac (limited release)
Elijah Wood, everyone’s favourite Hobbit (unconfirmed), plays the titular homicidal maniac and mannequin shop owner. To be fair I presume anyone who owns a mannequin shop is a homicidal maniac.

The Spirit of ’45 (limited release)
“A documentary on how the spirit of unity, which buoyed Britain during the war years, carried through to create a vision of a fairer, united society.”

Shell (limited release)
Scottish drama about a girl entering womanhood while living in isolation with her single father.

Michael H – Profession: Director (limited release)
Profile of director Michael Haneke which features “strong bloody violence and explicit images of sex”. I can confirm that these are from clips from Haneke’s films and not footage of him having violent sex in his private life.