Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer as Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson
I’m being strong and resisting making a cheap and obscure Coronation Street reference, you’re welcome. In the fourth of this series of vampire films I’ve never seen, Kate Beckinsale returns in tight black clothing to lead the battle against humankind.
J. Edgar Hoover may or may not have been a transvestite but somehow I don’t think this Leonardo DiCaprio starring biopic directed by Clint Eastwood will feature him “wearing a fluffy pink dress with flounces and lace, stockings, high heels and a black curly wig” as Susan Rosenstiel claims he did over on Wikipedia. Beyond this odd bit of trivia this film does not interest me, sorry Clint.
Possibly called W./E., this film is not making a name for itself by featuring bizarre levels of punctuation in its title, sadly the focus instead is on just how bad the whole ordeal is. Written and directed by Madonna, W.E. is so bad that BBC 2012‘s Danny Leigh said it made him want to set himself on fire. Grab some matches and get yourself down to your local cinema!
The Sitter (limited release)
Jonah Hill plays a suspended college student persuaded to babysit the kids next door. Madness ensues and Jonah Hill undoes all the good work he’s been doing in Allen Gregory.
L’Atalante (limited release)
This 1930’s French romantic drama has a tantalising write-up over at the BFI as they describe it as “funny, heart-rending, erotic, suspenseful, exhilaratingly inventive… Jean Vigo’s only full-length feature satisfies on so many levels, it’s no surprise it’s widely regarded as one of the greatest films ever made.” They are the only cinema showing the film though, so can they be trusted? Yes, they’re the BFI.
Coriolanus (limited release)
A bold debut by Ralph Fiennes as a director as he tackles one of Shakespeare’s lesser known plays about a soldier turned politician turned soldier. A thoroughly modern setting gels well with the ancient text and the film has an interesting blend of modern warfare and Shakespearian speech. I gave it a relatively positive review and the coveted Mild Concern award for Best Use of Jon Snow. Still yet to see this poster on the underground, how odd.
The Nine Muses (limited release)
“Part documentary, part personal essay, this experimental film combines archive imagery with the striking wintry landscapes of Alaska to tell the story of immigrant experience coming into the UK from 1960 onwards.” I’ll be honest, I get nervous whenever I see the term, “part documentary, part personal essay”.
Red Light Revolution (limited release)
Chinese comedy set in Beijing about a man who starts a sexual revolution after opening a sex shop to make ends meet.
X: Night of Vengeance (limited release)
Sticking with the limited release sex films, we have a “sizzling adults-only thriller” about two prostitutes “racing through Sydney’s criminal underworld in an attempt to stay alive”. Expect lots of violence and lots of sex.